a nesting doll self of Sad Girls / & i hate listening to advice i drunk / dialed my ex every fall weekend soggy & hardening / into old rubber but they always picked / up i was eating only portioned grapes / & my own disappointment so seedless / & seething green they didn’t kiss me / for a year & still i slept on their apartment / couch during spring breaks cleaned hot cocoa / mugs like warm baptism confession confirmation / of shit i already knew i am becoming / my own ghost around you i disclosed / once then changed / nothing i exhaustion clogged through / another six months in the city / where i never wanted to return i inertia / clocked into internships i didn’t hate / but wished i did i justification caught / my reflection in the train window & took / ten seconds to recognize myself i don’t think / i have an end to how deep i can go i told / an online therapist i am capable / of infinite sadnesses i never planned / to survive through so make / an end she said like someone can dig / a bottom rather than a bigger hole—
Courtney Felle (she/they) is a recent graduate of Kenyon College who now lives between Western NY and Washington, DC. Their previous writing can be found in SICK Magazine, Monstering Magazine, and Glass: A Journal of Poetry, among other publications. They are a big fan of long road trips, large mugs of tea, ultra-specific Spotify playlists, and disabled community support.
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